respirations | ― open post.

❪ it's the softness of richie's voice that sort of takes the wind out of his sails. after all, eddie doesn't hear it a lot. rich is usually all spitfire and dumb jokes. ❫

Yeah, uh, I guess so.

❪ and, so, he lets the other ease the bed up and allow him the chance to lay back again with a hand at his chest. he can feel the stitching underneath and just how far down it goes with a similar pain tracing down the length of his back.

fuck. shout out to the derry healthcare system for managing to save his dumb ass. ❫

Seriously? ❪ even though he's smiling hearing that everyone was okay. ❫ Do I wanna ask how you guys managed that?

[ He's got plenty of dumb jokes left. He has to to get himself to stop watching Eddie feel the stitches on his chest. Shaking his head, ]

It took our money without giving us Milkyways. It was asking for it.

[ Which wasn't that far from the truth. One after another, they kept losing money and the stress of the situation kinda boiled over. It was pure dumb luck they didn't get caught and thrown out of the building.

He gets Beverly on the phone and tells her Ed is awake and to call the others. After he hangs up, he pockets his phone and gets Eddie some water from the tap in the room. He comes back and holds the cup to where Eddie can drink from it. ]

Easy, okay.

I guess I can see that.

❪ he takes in a slow, deep breath and immediately regrets the movement but finally seems content to stop feeling at the stitching underneath his gown. instead, eddie focuses on richie as he goes about getting in touch with bev and relaying the information to her which causes him to smile slightly.

he wants to see them, god, he wants to see them so badly. almost as badly as he wants to keep rich close. which is why he sighs a little once the other returns with a cup of water, gingerly taking a needed sip. ❫

Rich, I'm gonna be okay. Really.

[ He forces a smile at that, truly relieved but his heart heavy with... a lot of shit. ]

You better. After all that shit... We weren't gonna let that bitch outlive you.

[ He swallows hard, his mind unwillingly going back to the race to get Eddie to the hospital in time. It had taken days for Richie to all the blood from under his nails. ]

Hey, dummy. Come here.

❪ he has to shift a little, switching hands that hold the water so he can reach out and catch richie's wrist to pull him closer. it takes a little adjusting but he manages with some fight to push their foreheads together. he knows it probably isn't much but he hopes it can help rich calm down if only just a little. ❫

You're stuck with me now.

[ He comes closer, letting Eddie pull him in, not having the strength to resist even though he knows he should. He closes his eyes as their foreheads touch, the pressure behind his lids burning. He can feel the thread connected to his hand gently humming, warm. He breathes in harshly through his nose and then out, trying to keep himself from crying again.

He's fucking exhausted and not sure how much longer he can keep it together. ]

Eds...I...

[ They are interrupted not by Bev but one of the nurses, walking in, oblivious to what was going on. ]

Oh, you're awake!

[ Richie jerks away, clearing his throat and rolling his shoulders. She comes closer to look at Eddie's eyes, the pupils in particular, taking out a small flashlight and shining it in one and then the other. ]

How are you feeling, Mr. Kaspbrak? You gave all your friends quite a scare.

[ Another voice comes from the doorway, more familiar, "You can say that again.". Beverly is grinning wide as she comes in, looking as teary-eyed as Rich. ]

❪ he breathes in and lets himself simply enjoy being close to richie again. eddie wants to pull him into the bed like rich did to him days ago back at the inn but all he can do is quietly watch with a careful gaze. carefully, he leans in and lets their noses brush together and breathing catch slightly as—

as they are interrupted.

eddie falls back against the bed with a huff of air as the nurse walks in, approaching his bed and causing him to offer the woman a smile as she goes about her job of checking everything. yet, unable to help it, his gaze continues to flicker to rich as she goes through the motions. ❫

Sore, mostly. I'll be better once I see my friends.

❪ his family, he corrects and smiles at the sound of the familiar voice. he wasn't going to cry but god if he didn't want to thinking about seeing everyone again. ❫

[ Rich remains where he is by the bed, catching Eddie's eye enough to wink at him while the nurse is preoccupied with him. He grins at Bev when she walks into the room and can already hear the others rushing to the room from the elevator. ]

Damn. Where the hell were they?

[ Beverly reaches over to give Eddie's hand a squeeze, "Just around the corner apparently." And then they were there, all greeting Eddie while trying their best not to crowd the poor nurse updating his chart. Richie tries not to let his own smile fall as he sees the nurse, knowing she's most likely going to call Myra about Eddie waking up.

All the more reason to enjoy the reunion while they can. Which is easy to do when everyone is smiling and wiping away their own tears, laughing and making sure Eddie was alright. ]

❪ he tries to ignore the way his face flushes at the stupid wink and, instead, focuses on bev as she walks in and squeezes his hand. eddie's so caught up in just holding her hand and trying reassure her that he's fine now that he doesn't even here the stampede of the other three until he is suddenly surrounded by them from every direction.

the poor nurse seems amused by their antics as eddie just tries to keep up. mike has arms wrapped around his neck, cheek resting atop his head while bill holds one of his arms and ben holds on to the hand that bev already holds. ❫

You've got to all stop crying— ❪ he says suddenly, shaking his head and sniffling. ❫ Because I'm going to start and I'm so tired of fucking crying since coming back to this town.

❪ and then they're laughing and eddie can only wave his one free hand at richie because come on, get in on this mess. finally, the nurse seems to finish and pulls her clipboard to her chest with a sigh. "Would you like us to give your wife a call?" and that alone is enough to nearly knock the air out of his lungs. still, eddie somehow manages not to freak out and answers simply— ❫

I'll do it myself. ❪ because then, at least, he had to time to think. time to enjoy being with richie and his family before he had to literally go into what will quickly become another fight. ❫

[ Richie comes over to take Eddie's hand and gives it a squeeze. ]

Nah, join the club, dude. Crying Losers is our new name, didn't you hear?

[ Which gets another round of laughter. At least until Eddie's wife is mentioned. Richie forces the smile to stay, looking down at the thread glowing between them, brighter than before. His eyes flit over to Bev and Ben's. He can't see their thread but they already shared the news with the rest of them while Eddie was out.

He was happy for them. At least they will have a chance at being happy together. ]

That's not fair. My chest is fucking killing me every time I cry now. ❪ he mutters but still unable to blink away all of the tears pooling in his eyes. he squeezes back at richie's hand and holds on just letting this moment linger for as long as possible.

it's near an hour later when bev mentions about letting him rest and eddie realizes that he's still holding onto rich's hand. slowly, they start filling out with one more hugs with ben and bev leaving together and bill pulling mike along though he shoots rich a glance. ❫

I'm gonna keep him here a little longer. ❪ he says and bill muses before following out with mike. it's only after the door closes that eddie sighs deeply, gaze focused on the doorway. ❫

I meant what I said, you know. I want to be with you, whatever that might mean and when I'm able to leave with this place? I want it to be with you too.

[ Richie knows Bill wants him to go get some sleep outside of the room. They all do. But Rich is also grateful none of the other Losers bring it up in front of Eddie. But he's even less prepared for what Eddie says next.

He looks down at his best friend and then back to the closed doorway, ]

I can't ask you to do that, Eddie.

[ His voice is completely serious and just as tired as before when it was just them in the room. ]

You're not asking me, dummy. ❪ he says with a sigh and a glance back to richie. ❫ This is what I'm telling you that I'm going to do.

❪ he squeezes the other's hand again, tired but serious in his words. ❫

That fucking clown already took my choice away from me once and almost did so permanently this time. I'm not going to live this fucking lie anymore.

[ Richie feels his chest tighten, almost too afraid to hope. ]

Are you sure?

[ Because from the few encounters he's had with Myra, he knows this isn't going to be easy. Not with someone like her. He doesn't want Eddie to be put through the ringer but also, selfishly, he wants his soulmate, dammit. He wants to live their lives together the way they were always supposed to. ]

Yes, Rich. I'm sure.

❪ he's been idly playing with his wedding band this entire short talk but finally pulls the thing off with a sigh, carefully setting it on his bedside table and looking back with something akin to a frown. ❫

Would you believe me if I kissed you?

[ It's a slow creeping blush that heats up his face but a blush nonetheless. ]

W-what.

[ He's no virgin or anything. Not by a long shot. And he's been with more than a few guys but kissing Eddie is still something he hasn't actually done. Not like a Real Kiss.

God, he's so tired his brain feels like it's completely fried by this point. Doesn't help his mind goes from kiss to... other things in a hop skip and jump and it's enough to make his brain stall again like some outdated modem. ]

❪ eddie's sure if he listens hard enough he can hear that outdated modem of a brain dial-tone out. ❫

You really need me to repeat myself? ❪ he asks, almost exasperated but also slightly flying high on whatever that nurse fucking gave him. thank you, drugs. he nudges the other gently, urging him closer as eddie moves to sit up slightly in bed.

carefully, he lets go of the hand he's been holding and moves to brush his hands along richie's face instead. ❫

I'm going to kiss you, okay? ❪ and that's as much as he offers as their noses brush again, lips touching briefly before eddie leans in the rest of the way to capture his lips in a proper kiss. ❫

[ After spending weeks praying for Eddie to make it through, willing to bargain and give up on being with him if it meant he would live and he wouldn't have to bury another friend, he's now being presented with something he had all but given up on...

His eyes flutter closed at the touch to his face, wondering if he's fallen asleep in that damn chair and is dreaming all of this. But the press of the other man's lips are warm and real, the thrumming of the thread seeming to get louder at the contact. Rich leans into the kiss, adding more pressure to it as his hand goes to cup the back of Ed's head.

It took him a while to wake up to the situation, sure. But he's not shy about showing Eddie what he's thought about doing now that they're relatively on the same page. ]

❪ it honestly takes him back to being a teenager, staring at richie with the thread between them and wondering just what it would be like to kiss him. he never acted on it, obviously (stupidly) but now eddie wants to do nothing but make up for all of those missed opportunities. wants to make sure that he never lets rich go again.

that's why it's so hard not to smile against the kiss especially as rich leans into it, applies more pressure and cups the back of his head. his lungs (and chest, in general) are burning but he doesn't want to pull away, not yet.

eventually though, he has to and pulls back slightly though still keeps their faces close together as he searches richie's eyes. finally, he shakes his head and sighs. ❫

I love you. You know that, right?

[ He knows they shouldn't even be doing this. Not with Eddie still recovering. But when has he ever been able to deny Eddie anything in the end? Being a shit isn't the same thing and he usually always gives in to the other. This was just another version of that. Him having wanted it for years is just a happy bonus.

He presses his forehead to Ed's, breathing out hard against his mouth, his hand still cupping the back of the other's head. He feels his eyes burn at the words, closing them before nodding. ]

Doesn't hurt to hear it.

[ He hates the small break in his voice that slips out but to think how close he came to losing this beautiful man without either of them saying such a thing to each other. His eyes open again as he finally admits: ]

I've loved you for a long time, Eds.

❪ he knows (god, does he ever) they probably shouldn't be doing this right now. he's just woken up, filled to the brim with tubing and other equipment with drugs being pumped in to settle whatever real pain he doesn't feel right now. eddie knows, he knows... but god, he's been waiting for this for nearly three decades. he just can't bring himself to wait any longer.

besides the light and warmth of the thread connecting them is doing wonders, he finds, to strengthen his resolve to see this through.

he presses his forehead back against rich, hands still cupping his face and smiling faintly. the small break isn't hard to notice as it slips out and hopes soothe away in worried feelings by pressing his lips to the corner of richie's lips. ❫

Since that moment in those sewers the first time. I knew from the moment I saw that stupid thread, ❪ he says with a sigh. ❫ Sorry it took so long to tell you.

[ He finally breathes out a laugh, smiling more even with trying to blink back those annoying fucking tears (can he please stop crying about shit?), ]

Nah, man. Sounds about right for us when you think about it. We would never do shit the easy way.

[ Just another thing that makes them Losers. But they are fast learners at least. He clears his throat again and gently nudges Ed back with his head, ]

You gotta take it easy, okay? I want you to rest and heal, all that good shit, so you can get the hell out of this place.

❪ he shakes his head but still ultimately leans back as urged by the gentle nudging that richie gives him. instead, eddie reaches out and grasps at one of his hands instead. ❫

Yeah, you gotta take it easy too. Actually go and sleep somewhere that isn't in this hospital. ❪ and he sighs, rolling a shoulder with a frown. ❫ ... And I've got to call Myra too. I don't really want you here when all that shit blows up.

[ Richie frowns at that, ]

Are you sure?

[ He shakes his head, reaching up to pinch at the ridge of his nose. God, he is tired but... ]

I know I keep saying that but are you really sure you're okay to talk to her? You just woke up, man.

She's gonna find out I'm awake soon enough. I'd rather not have what is bound to be a huge argument happen in front of you or the others if she just shows up randomly.

❪ which was... putting it lightly, in truth. that didn't even include the possible guilt tripping, blaming or worse. ❫

Besides, I survived a demonic child-eating sewer clown. I can handle my wife. ❪ and he shrugs, idly tugging at the thread between them. ❫ And I have a way of getting in touch with you if I can't manage to get to my phone.

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