respirations | ― open post.

(It's a surprise that Richie is even able to function behind a vehicle with the way his body is shaking from this whole incident. Richie is pretty use to Eddie's tantrums and has grown to handle when Eds gets upset or in this case furious. Only this is a different kind of anger and they both had crossed over the line of just "best friends." They had sex with each other for Christ sake. )

I don't need you fucking looking at my goddamn hands.

(His own words are tight but his voice quivers with each spoken. Moments ago he had wanted nothing more but for the two of them to just talk, work things out and get back to normal.

Odviously that wasn't an option.)

( It's enough to get Eddie locking up with a wide-eyed look at Richie. Yeah, sure, they've bickered and shot insults at one another but never with so much hate behind it. He considers just shutting up and letting Richie finish driving him home but they were supposed to 'talk' and figure this shit out but maybe there wasn't any figuring this out. Maybe they've crossed a line they can't step back over anymore.

So with a harsh sound akin to his lungs locking up, he shoves the kit off his lap and pushes the car door open without another word. Eddie doesn't give Richie the chance to stop him before he undoes his seatbelt and limps off into the dark of Derry's neighboring sidewalks. It only takes a moment for him to bite back another sound, his lungs burning as he tries to breathe and not sob at the same time.

Eddie knows he'll regret it but his limping walk soon turns into a paced sprint and then a full run toward the Barrens. Fuck this town, fuck the people and everything else here. )

(Richie wants this relationship or whatever this is that has sparked between them to work. They both deserve that much, especially after the summer of dealing with a children eating clown that lurked within the sewers of Derry. He thought that was something Eddie had wanted too but like everything good in his life Richie fucked up.

Maybe it was best they went seperate ways now before anything go too serious between them?

The sound of his car door being flung open pulls Richie back to reality. In a blink of an eye Eddie is exiting a fucking moving vehicle and suddenly running towards the place they both know best.)

Goddamnit Eddie!

(He's frustrated, hurt and angry, raging emotions don't stop him from speeding up his car so that he can find a decent parking spot. Then Richie is also rushing into the darkness, desperately trying to catch the other boy and his damn skinny running legs. )

Eddie? You better fucking stop you little fucking asshole! (His voice echoes within the night and after a moment Richie's running faulters into a small jog, certain scenery sure does look different at night, the moonlight only reflecting on certain spots.

It's eerie, unsettling.

The same feeling he suffered with that fucking clown.)

E-Eddie?

(He comes to a complete stop, the sound of night life feeling his ears while he struggles to focus his eyesight within the dark. )

( He's almost grateful for his sprained ankle because the pain makes blood pound in his ears and its easy to ignore when Richie yells out to him. It spurs Eddie to run, run, run into the darkness until there's nothing but darkness around him. He isn't afraid though because if there is anything that Eddie prides himself in its his sense of direction, he never gets lost and he'd never be lost— well, physically. Mentally and emotionally is a another thing entirely.

Without a lot of thought he ends up at the clubhouse with tears in his eyes both from the heartache and the pain burning through his leg. He hobbles forward and pulls the hatch open before descending down the ladder until he can collapse in one of the comfortable bean bags they managed to find and drag here. It takes a little work but he manages to get the lights on too which amounts to a few candles and old oil lamps.

It's cold down here but he ignores it and pulls his legs to his chest. Even in the dark, the light filtering through the hatch should be noticeable but Eddie can't even bring himself to care. )

(It takes Richie a moment to regain his composure, his nerves are on the frits and now sounds like a really good time to say fuck it. Only he doesn't, he takes a few small breathes before trudging onward to find his run away ex. A few more minutes pass until Richie catches sight of small light in the distance. Of course Eddie would run straight to the clubhouse, where else would he escape?

With a frustrated sigh Richie stomps towards his destination. In the back of his mind he can't help but think what if this light isn't really from Eddie and instead from a on the loose serial killer, just his luck. He moves to pull the hatch open with damaged hands, eyes narrowing down at the ladder. )

That better be you fucking down there Eddie or so fucking help me I swear to God! (He hisses as he lowers himself down, the climb only worsen the ache in his torn knuckles. His feet touches ground and a few feet away from him sits Eddie. His eyes narrow once again, his face damp from tears and slightly flushed from the night wind.)

Are you fucking insane?!

( For a long moment Eddie doesn't respond even when Richie climbs down the ladder and confronts him. He just stares forward torn between looking in anger or like a corner wounded animal waiting for the kill but he finally manages to push himself up with a hobble, teeth bared. )

Fucking probably and it's all your goddamn fault! You say you want to talk but when I try you push me out. When I try to help, you push me away and you've always fucking been like this. ( They all had their secrets, sure but he figure the two of them were past this especially after he bared his fucking soul to Richie and showed him more than enough trust to give him his virginity. ) You're just so—

( He sniffles but whether its out of pain, anger or just the overwhelming heartache is hard to tell. )

I love you so much but how can I trust you when you won't let me in? When you won't tell me anything.

( There. He said it, its out now and he can't take it back but Eddie doesn't want to take it back. It's the truth, one of the few truths he's felt like they've both said in these two weeks. )

(Richie can handle a good argument when he needs too, mostly because he never shuts the fuck up but that didn't mean he enjoyed fighting like this with Eddie. He's prepared for all the screaming and words that they both will regret later, his busted hands now in balled up into fist by his sides. )

Everything is my fucking fault, huh? Because I'm a fucking idiot. (He tosses Eddie's harsh words right back, his voice still a quivering mess as he shouts. He wasn't hiding anything from Eddie so he doesn't understand where all these trust issues are sprouting from. He's been nothing but open and honest, he thought he had proven that much. )

I'm just so what? (He demands in anger, voice cracking while keeping a harsh gaze upon Eddie.)

What do you want me to tell you, Eddie? That I fucking cheated on you when I didn't? That I fucked the shit out of someone else when it isn't true? (He lets his head drop, defeated and hurt by these accusations.)

Do you honestly believe I would hurt you like that? After everything? Eddie you mean the fucking world to me.

At this point, I'm pretty sure that I'm the idiot here because instead of just giving up— I keep fucking going back and forth into this. ( He says with a bite in his words, angering chopping his hand through the air but its clear he's deflated quite a lot though that might just be because of the pain. ) You're just so much. I feel like you've always cared so much about me, my problems and we always never talk about you. You don't fucking let me in.

( He huffs out of a sound but its clear he's just trying not to cry again. ) You still went to that party though after I told you that I wasn't comfortable with you going. You went behind my back and then those pictures and everybody fucking talking...

( It's said with another huff of air before he stumbles back slightly, taking weight off his leg and shaking his head. )

And then you just up and fucking vanished like you were running away. I told you, I love you and I don't want to fucking believe that shit but we keep fighting at every turn.

So much? (There is a bite of anger in his own words but that doesn't cover the thick layer of hurt.) You fucking knew that going in, Eddie. I don't fucking hold back shit, you know that too. (He doesn't understand what Eddie really wants from him and when it comes to Richie Tozier there isn't much to tell. He's the trashmouth kid of Derry who's hiding his sexuality from the world. ) What the fuck do you want to know about me?

(He closes his eyes once again, taking in another deep breath.) I know I shouldn't have went to that party but I wanted to check out my competition for the huge talent show, get an idea what I was up against but mostly everyone was either drunk or seriously fucking high.

(He moves towards the small cooler Mike found last Summer, thank the gods it still has the small ice pack. It will do wonders for Eddie's injured ankle. He begins to carefully wrap it in a pillow case before moving towards Eddie's sprain. )

And those pictures were nothing, Eddie. The girl was seriously stoned out of her mind and trying to make her boyfriend jealous. She didn't even notice what she was doing or how many times I pulled her off me.

(Poor home girl was a fucking wreck.)

You also know that I'm not....(He cuts himself off for a moment. His sexuality is still a struggling concept.) I don't like girls.....(He whispers more to himself.)

I'm really sorry all this fucking shit is happening.

It's not a bad thing, Rich. You're everything that I wish I was but there's so much that I don't understand. ( He murmurs carefully, quietly. He understands the anger though because that is all they've gave one another since all of this began but he's frankly at his wits end and can't bring himself to find a reason to be angry anymore. ) I just want to know you, Richie. I want you to let me care about you as deeply as you care about me.

( Eddie listens quietly and watches even more quietly as Richie moves about. The ice pack that's removed is met with a frown but he doesn't say anything as Richie wraps it in a pillow case and then approaches him. He doesn't move away this time and allows the other boy to actually get close to him without a negative reaction to the gesture, softening noticeably. )

I'm sorry too. Richie, I just... I don't know how— ( He frowns and looks away, embarrassed. )

I don't know how to be someone good to love. I don't think I know how to be someone capable of loving another person, you know— you know how fucked up shit is for me at home. I'm just afraid of losing you.

Don't say that, Eddie. (This would typically be where Richie would grin smug, brag about how he's amazing and has one hell of a dick but that old joke doesn't come spilling from his lips. Eddie is fucking perfect, at least he is in Richie's eyes.) I adore you, you're fucking perfect.

(Carefully he places the ice pack along Eddie's swollen ankle, gentle not to cause Eddie any more discomfort. Eddie is so much better at this whole first aid deal, he's damn fantastic at it. Richie can only hope that he's doing this right, he does remember that keeping the injured foot elevated helps. He wastes no time pulling over the other bean bag and gently lifting the hurt foot. )

You're not going to lose me, Eds. I care about you too much and I have a no return policy. (He starts buzzing around to find blankets, Eddie will freeze if he doesn't find warmth.)

And you're easy to love to me. That's all that fucking matters.

I'm not though. I should have just ignored all that shit and the pictures, I should have believed you but I just got so freaked out that I thought: Obviously, I did something to make this happen. It's my fault if Richie leaves and finds someone else because why wouldn't he? Who wants someone so messed up as me?

( He moves to sit back down as Richie applies the ice pack on his ankle. The hiss of pain isn't so much from where the other is touching his leg but finally everything catching up to him after his stupid ass had to run through the fucking Barrens. There's a smile on his lips as he maneuvers another bean bag over so his ankle can be elevated and almost laughs but ultimately reaches up to catch Richie's wrist, drawing him closer. )

I really do love you, Richie. That's the one thing that always made sense to me is how much I love you.

I shouldn't have went behind your back in the first place. I guess that does make me look pretty shitty in the whole situation. (No wonder Eddie assumed he was lying about the pictures, the whole party in general. Richie had been an idiot, he was thinking of himself in that moment and by doing so he sacrificed the trust Eddie had given him, soiled their relationship.) I do. (It's a raw and honest answer. One spoken from deep within Richie's heart.) You're all I want. I can't fucking stop thinking about you, Eds. It drives me crazy sometimes. I'm surprised my dick isn't raw from all the beating off.

(It's pathetic.

He makes a soft noise as Eddie captures his wrist, his body moving along with the soft tug.)

I love you too, Eddie. So damn much.

We both made mistakes, it's okay. It's better that we learn from them, right? ( They both had a lot to learn but wasn't that a big part in growing up? Weren't they allowed to make mistakes now. Eddie likes to imagine that its better for them to make them now than in the future when they're older and more set in their own ways. ) How romantic, Richie.

( He ultimately rolls his eyes but smiles nevertheless, tightening his hold and urging the other boy closer. ) I can't stop thinking about you either though. Sometimes I think my heart is going to explode because whenever I do, I just fucking feel so much.

( There's a moment of quietness before he tugs at Richie's wrist again without a thought (or care) toward the cold lingering around them. )

I missed you so much. I, uh— let me make it up to you and let me make you feel good. You're always taking care and worrying about me but let me take care of you this time.

So you don't hate me anymore? (Richie wants to make all his wrongs right, he doesn't want Eddie to lose his trust in him especially considering Eddie has been lied to most his childhood. Richie doesn't want to be another person Eddie despises or loses faith in. They have both risked so much to be together like this in secret, Richie doesn't want their love to slip through their fingertips.) I prefer your hand though, I like it when you play with my dick. You give really amazing head too, like really amazing.

(He knows he's rambling like a fool but these weeks without Eddie have been brutal, difficult and lonely. He's missed waking up with Eddie cuddled tight against him, their late night drives around Derry and back seat makeouts. ) Me too, Eds. I never want that feeling to go away.

(Once again he moves with the eager pull, his hands going out to rest along each side of the bean bag in order to not squish his little Eds. His eyes go soft at Eddie's offer but right now Richie doesn't deserve much of anything. He just wants to wrap Eddie in some blankets and hold him close. )

You've got a sprained ankle, Eds. I think you need to rest for a bit. I know its gotta hurt like a bitch and I know you've got to be freezing. You damn chicken nugget.

I never hated you, Rich. I was just upset. ( Even if all those things had been true, he doubts that he could ever or would ever hate Richie. They'd been through so much together not just as friends but together as boyfriends too. Richie was his first for some many things they he didn't want to ever forget. ) Glad to know you've got priorities when it comes to missing me.

( He rolls his eyes but there is the faintest hint of a smile there. Eddie knows that Richie is just running at the mouth and he moves his hand from around the other boy's wrist to his hand proper to their fingers can lace together. He's in prime wanting to be squished mode currently and makes sure that Richie is damn aware because (honestly) Rich is a damn personal heater while being just big enough to leech from. )

Yeah, Rich— it's my ankle. I can still do other things, you know. I just wanna forget for a little while that these two weeks even happened.

Really? (It sure felt like Eddie had. Richie hadn't meant to upset his boyfriend and it sure as hell was not going to become a habit. ) I didn't mean to upset you, Eds. I'm sorry that I did, I never want to hurt you. (Too many people in Eddie 's life held that title and Richie wanted to be the person Eddie could rely on, experience real love with. ) I can't help it that you're really great with my dick.

(He makes another soft noise as Eddie crushes himself against his chest, his smaller body tucked close against Richie's own. He can't help but to smile and nuzzle against Eddie's hair. ) We should get your tiny ass under some blankets, you're fucking freezing and don't say you aren't. (There is also the fact that Eddie's mom has probably stroked out because her precious baby boy hadn't made it home.)

Me too but I know you've got to be in some fucking pain, Eds. (He leans forward to gently press a kiss against the smaller boy's forehead. ) I love you, little shit.

Really. I love you so much, Rich. I didn't know what to do with myself half of the time. ( He had felt lost and adrift without Richie in his life. Eddie just can't imagine what it would be like for them to really separate and be apart especially if they both ended it hating one another. It might be selfish but he never wants for that to happen and he never wants for them to be apart. ) Yeah, well, it helps that I really like you.

( Eddie just huffs as Richie continues, a frown on his features. ) I'm fine, really. It's not so bad down here and it's not like we got to rush either. Mom thinks I'm staying the night at Bill's place.

( A brow is raised as he listens, breathing out a slow sound and shaking his head. )

Then let's just stay here for a little while. Once I get home, mom is going to lose her shit and drive me straight to the hospital. She probably won't let me out of her sight for another week. ( He says with a frown and then a blush. ) I love you too, Trashmouth.

I love you too, Eds. These past few weeks have been such shit, not having you speak to me really fucked with my head and heart, I felt so fucking hollow and alone without you. ( Richie might be getting a little deep with the conversation but Eddie wanted honesty. He doesn't want to think about a life with Eddie absent from it, the thought alone makes his stomach turn. Eddie is all he wants, nothing else really matters. (They had made future plans together, those that got them the hell out of Derry for good. ) You really like my dick? (He asks with a playful waggle of his eyebrows. )

Is that a request to stay with me tonight? (If not Richie would gladly make it a suggestion. They would have so much privacy if they happened to stay here in the clubhouse or headed back to Richie's place. )

You wanna stay here or would you like to go back to my place? You can stay the night with me if you want or I can drive you to Bill's. Either choice we need to get you comfortable and under some blankets. I can hold you close if you want too, keep you snug and warm?

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