respirations | ― open post.

Something like that, yeah.

❪ miserable is definitely a word for it. there's a lot of words for it but eddie is in a place where he doesn't want to think about it anymore than he actually needs to think about it. it's why, in a way, he's almost grateful when richie pulls him into a hug even if the gesture momentary throws him off.

after all, it's been a long year and longer still before that since they've been close like this and eddie can't help the way he lingers with arms awkwardly raised to return the hug. it's... it's nice. it's a feeling he hadn't had in awhile.

but soon enough, rich is pulling away and eddie is rubbing at the back of his neck with a throat clearing cough. ❫

Yeah, uh, just... thanks again, Richie. Really. I've already got a few references out to a couple of places so I hopefully won't take up space for long.

Shut up, dude. You can stay as long as you want to.

[Of course, Richie still had some line work to go over but the elephant in the room was still well and truly there and so, Richie does what any good friend would do. He postpones that in favor of pulling some good scotch out of the cabinet.

He pours a fair amount into two glasses and comes back with the smaller of them offered out to Eddie.]

For what it's worth. I'm glad you came to me and not Bev. Can you imagine? You'd have to deal with her and Ben making moon eyes at each other all night and day.

I guess bachelors go where the bachelors are. Or Florida. I'm glad you picked the better alternative.

Cheers.

❪ there is a silence as eddie simply stares at richie's retreating back. the response only gets a sigh and the sight of him rubbing harder at the back of his neck, it's not something he wants to fight about when the past year had been nothing but fighting with myra.

once rich returns with the two glasses, eddie only raises a brow before taking the one offered with a muted thanks. ❫

I thought about Florida because, you know, Mike is there but I didn't want to throw anything at him when the guy is finally free after dealing with all that shit for three decades. ❪ still, he smiles likely and takes a needed drink with only the smallest shudder. ❫ Yeah, cheers.

[Of course Richie knocks the drink back, like a champ. Back in Derry, when he'd walked in and come face to face with Eddie, a lot of the feelings came rushing up to the surface. Feelings, first. Then memories, and the longer they spent together the more it came back.

By the time they were crawling into the gray water Riche knew things he would've rather forgotten. More than desperate touching, in quiet unseen places, so much more. He remembered sneaking through Eddie's window on a regular basis. Slow-kissing under covers. Richie can remember their first time, Eddie holding a hand over his mouth so that he wouldn't give them away. Mrs. K sleeping in front of the TV downstairs added a sense of danger he didn't know until that moment that he liked. Richie cried afterward, and Eddie didn't say anything- never brought it up again. That colored his feelings, it made him want to lay everything on the line but then- Eddie got hurt, and Richie couldn't look at him without blaming himself.]

Dude, you look like shit. [Sorry, not sorry. He knows Eddie- inside and out, he hasn't been taking care of himself. That much is clear.] You need to treat my best friend better. Jesus.

Florida wouldn't be half as much fun as shacking up with me and you know it. Mike's probably got a lot better bedside manner though. He'd bring you milk and cookies and watch General Hospital with you.

❪ for what it's worth, eddie finishes his drink within two needy shots back of it. breathing out a long sigh as he stares quietly back at richie with what could be considered a frown because, after all, eddie finds himself unable to help but think.

although he doesn't remember everything per say but he does remember the first time that eddie told richie that he loved him. he remembers that quiet evening, rich walking him home and how full the moon had been. he remembers them sitting together in his backyard, summer dying around them and talking wistfully of what it would be like together outside of derry. what it would be like to live together, be together without this constant worry.

eddie only realizes he's staring pointedly at richie's lips when he speaks again and he blinks, weakly. ❫

Thanks, I feel like shit. ❪ he mumbles quietly, holding his glass out. ❫ And I don't watch General Hospital. Can I have another?

[It's a double, and Richie's vaguely impressed with Eddie's aptitude to shoot back such strong shit but he doesn't question him. No, he goes to get the bottle and tops him off. Richie though, set the bottle to the right of them when he's done doing that. It's not like he doesn't want to drink, no, but he ventured way too far too fast into alcohol on a regular basis and he wanted to be there for him.

So many moments had been stolen from them, replaced with pain, with near-death and impossible choices that should have never had to be made. Richie toys with the idea of doing it over, how he might've handled it differently but ultimately it was pointless. Derry bled into his pores like some kind of disease and by the time it was done with him Richie wasn't the same person he'd been before.]

What? More into Grey's Anatomy? I remember- Can't Buy Me Love used to be one of your favorites.

That's a hard pass. I'm not much into dramas had enough of it at home, you know? Besides, we watched a lot of Moonstruck too.

❪ he takes this drink slower because, in truth, he probably shouldn't be drinking at all given his medications. oh, well. two drinks won't kill him and if they do then maybe he wasn't cut out for this shit.

ultimately, he sighs into his drink with an attempt to blot out the memories that threaten to spill over and out. it's not that he doesn't want to remember but he can't think about them right now, not when he's such a fucking mess. the last thing eddie wants is to do something that might end solely in regret or worse.

maybe they can't have what they had before but eddie wants to stay his friend. wants at least one reason to stay close. ❫

[Well, if that was the case Richie's not sure what he can offer but he turns the TV on anyway until he finds the movie, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. At least it's mindless laughs and positive humor. That's something he can get behind, seems like something that they both need right now.]

Well, Adam Sandler, it is. I might be reading the room wrong here, but there's no reason to be nervous about being here dude. I'd do this a thousand times over, you took a fucking spike to the chest for me. A real knight in shining armor.

[Richie smiles, and he's glad Eddie ate before coming because he doesn't have anything made yet but he'll start cooking again. Eddie's too thin, and he doesn't like seeing him looking so run down.]

❪ oh, well. now he feels a little bad. here eddie figured that he'd just pass out but then rich turns on the television and he takes in a small breath before finding himself moving to sit. in truth, he's never seen the movie but some mindless laughing might be a good thing... right? because, yeah, maybe he does need it right now.

the statement gets a moment of silence but eddie finally chuckles, shaking his head. ❫

It's not you, Rich. I'm happy that I'm here but just these past few days have been a real shit show. I guess it's just all starting to really fucking hit me.

❪ the movement gets his attention though and he looks back with a tilt of his head, curious. again, he finds himself staring before he can help himself. ❫ Sorry, I guess.

Edited 2019-11-16 19:42 (UTC)

[Richie wouldn't have cared if Eddie went right to bed but he was still playing the situation by ear. Eddie still reads as rattled, and Richie's never been able to ignore the knee-jerk instinct he had to comfort that in him.

He occupies the seat next to him on the sofa easily, and his legs are quite a bit longer than they used to be, his knees bump against his when he pushes his back into the fabric behind him.]

I get it. I mean, I haven't been in your particular situation but I'm not expecting you to start jumping rope or something here - I just want you to know I'm around if you need something, y'know?

Don't apologize for shit that's not your fault. It's not necessary, if anything it's gonna be nice having somebody else here for a change.

❪ with a deep breath, eddie finishes off what is left of his drink and leans back into the couch. rattled, it seems, was a good word but the alcohol was doing wonders to take the edge off of his shaky feelings. well, anyway, up until their knees bump and eds finds himself locking up again. ❫

I told her I was in love with someone else. ❪ he says suddenly without prompt and wishing he hadn't finished his drink so quickly again. ❫ Everything that happened in Derry and everything I fucking remembered, I just couldn't put it into words. I couldn't make it make any real sense of it for anyone outside of us.

❪ he sighs and brushes his hair back slightly. ❫ It seemed easier this way.

Wow, Eddie. There are gentler ways to end a long-term relationship. Not that I'm defending Myra here, because no offense but you made her sound like a huge bitch anyway.

[Richie's not sure how true it is or if it was just his excuse to get out of Dodge. He leans his body to the right so he can lull his head over his shoulder and maintain eye contact with him.]

I would've thrown your ass out too, but that's implying I had no knowledge of Derry of everything we were a part of. Now I'll remember it until the day I die.

I don't know. Maybe? I guess there was better ways but after everything that happened to me? She didn't take shit I said or did seriously because I was sick. Why do you think it's taken a year? I ran every other play that I could think of to bring it up. It was like dealing with my mom again but somehow worse, you know.

❪ he's rambling, he knows but it helps to get all this shit out. for now, he sets his glass down and folds his arms across his waist as his leg bounces nervously. ❫

I don't think there was ever going to be anything gentle about it.

That's her fucking problem. I'm so proud of you- I mean that's a cycle of abuse you broke in what? A matter of months? I told you, you're stronger than you think.

[It's easy to go from cajoling to consoling especially when he can see Eddie is hurting. It lights a flame within him every time. He hates knowing that he ever had to suffer at all, let alone twice and so soon to almost fucking dying.

Richie can't help it, and he reaches up to smooth Eddie's hair on his head, it being in disarray is so unlike him.]

She clearly wasn't taking care of you. [Not like you deserve.]

Or I'm just crazy. It's one of the two.

❪ still, he doesn't lock up or go still when rich touches him to smooth back his hair. if anything, eddie finally seems to relax a little. he even closes his eyes, the nervous bouncing of his leg finally settling down just enough. ❫

Do I look that bad? ❪ saying he looks like shit was probably a compliment. ❫

Why can't it be both? The shit we dealt with- it's enough to make you a little crazy. I know I'm not stable.

[Not that he ever was, Richie visibly settles when Eddie does- bumps his knee into his gently like he used to do all the time when they were kids.]

Not bad. Just not you. I imagine it'll come back to you once you work through this, and I'm here to help.

Who would be stable after that shit? Ben, maybe, with his perfect abs. But yeah, I'm probably sitting in both camps pretty hard at this point.

❪ it's enough to get him chuckling as he bumps knees back with rich, utterly reminded of those times as kids and then again as teens when they'd look for any reason to sneakily touch one another. ❫

Thanks, Rich. I really mean it. I'm glad I got you as a best friend.

Talk about feeling like shit. I walked up on Ben and Bev outside the Jade, and immediately regretted coming. Everybody had a glow up and here I am a drunk middle-aged exact replica.

[It's a joke, but the admonishment is sincere in it. He really did have a moment of doubt, that is- until he saw Eddie, and then he had several more moments of doubt and a whole lot more in the ways of drinks.

When his knee is bumped back, that pulls a grin out of him. There's nothing he wouldn't do for Eddie, now or before.]

Aw shucks. That's just because nobody else liked us, but thanks Kaspbrat.

Don't be like that. What did Bev say when we were kids? You grew into your looks.

❪ admittedly he hadn't been so thrown off upon seeing bill and mike for the first time. eddie hadn't been thrown off until he saw rich but it had been easy enough to fall into that familiar banter with the other. easy enough to push everything else to the back burner when he had no idea just what richie may or may not remember.

and maybe it's the drinks talking but— ❫

Well— uh, then everyone else can go fuck themselves. You're an annoying trashmouth but you've always been a good friend. I know I can count on you.

[Richie absolutely mimics the face, he'd made when he was younger, of course, it's rougher and his jaw is stronger, hands larger but the point remains. Time hadn't done much if anything for him.

What it had done was make him more resilient, and he settles into an easy smile. Everything was simple with Eddie, always had been even when he was shrieking at him and pulling his hair as boys.]

Wow. Language. My virgin ears. Well, duh- you think I'm gonna let you go to a hotel? [And in his best Eddie Kaspbrak impression:] Do you know how much bacteria breeds there? You could walk away with scabies and those maids they go through your stuff, you know? They touch all your shit and who knows what they dragged in from the last place they were cleaning.

❪ and eddie absolutely bursts out into a grin and some dumb fit of laughter just like when he had been a kid. once again, the drink probably isn't helping matters but the look he gives rich once he settles back against the couch is a fond one. ❫

Nothing about you is a virgin, dickwad. And... and I don't know, maybe? I had no idea what your situation was, if you were even in town and what if you had someone over? There was a lot shit running through my mind. ❪ still there's a tiny glare at the impression but one that falters and he laughs, shaking his head. ❫ I did bring my own sheets, you know.

[It's nice to see Eddie laugh, and as he is laughing Richie pulls a hand to his shoulder and gives it a friendly squeeze.]

Oh yeah. Like I could have had someone over. Because guys are just dying to come home with this.

[So, he was gay. That was a revelation he'd come around to after the events in Derry, but of course, the biggest catalyst had been Eddie what he had with him, what he remembered having.]

If it makes you feel better you can change the sheets in my guest room but I promise you nothing's gone down in there.

Oh, come on. Don't talk like that.

❪ and he might tilt his head slightly, putting his cheek against rich's hand because it seemed like a good idea. that and, honestly, it was just nice. ❫

No, man. I believe you. I brought them just in case I did put myself up in a hotel.

[It was nice, and a small saccharine smile creeps its way onto Richie's face to replace the indignant look that had previously been there.]

Well, okay, then Rock Star. I was writing some lines when you called. I have to get back to that so I can send them to my editor.

Holler for me if you need anything.

Yeah, okay, Rich. Thanks again.

❪ in the long run, rich doesn't expect to be here too long. he doesn't want to bother rich and his hospitality but it turned out living together was kind of nice. not that his younger self hadn't fucking dreamed of it at one point but he had dreamed of a lot of fucking things before shitty sewer clowns uprooted and ruined most of it.

besides, they were roommates if anything... it wasn't the sort of living together he had actually imagined once upon a time.

it turns out that living together also did a number with rediscovering more forgotten, old memories that eddie probably should have never forgotten in the first place. ones that leave him stealing lingering glances, wondering if he should cross that unspoken boundary but also wondering just what the point would be to bring it up all of the sudden. it's annoying awkward, he finds, to ignore a lot of good fucking memories.

barely a month into the move from new york and he has himself a temp job crunching risk numbers but still, by the books, on the lookout for something more permanent. it's had him out of rich's place for long hours recently but he still makes sure (and looks forward to) their daily texting: ❫

Just got out of my interview
Did you want me to pick something up for dinner?

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if you wanna set another scene we can!! just figured this could be the first night or w/e

yesss def sounds good to me!!