❪ as rich pulls back, loosens his hold, eddie continues to keep a tight hold on his shirt without realizing it. there's a part of him that is scared of letting him go again. a part of him that is scared that there isn't third chances in this horrible ordeal that took twenty years away from them.

fucking hell— how different would things have been if everything had worked out? if he had gotten to california and they had gotten to live the life they had talked about since they were thirteen? it kicks up another bout of emotions, swirling between sadness and an intense anger.

angry because this town, that fucking sewer clown, took everything from them. he wouldn't be in some hapless marriage to a woman worse than his mother. a mother he told off, stood up to once for his friends and promised to be more than what she had deemed was right for him. why would he fall back into that if not because of his lost memories? because he lost richie?

it's summer before their junior year and they're in eddie's backyard talking about the future as they sometimes do. it never goes very far beyond wanting to get out derry, of course but eddie tests the water by mentioning getting married one day in a teasing tone. it wouldn't be anything official, of course but that's what people in love did... right? and he knows he loves richie.

richie, ever the joker, makes a big scene and slaps a snap bracelet on his wrist. eddie balks but richie never did stop smiling. ❫

Fucking hell. ❪ he finally says with a heavy breath, pushing his forehead against richie's shoulder again. resting against the cradle of his neck. ❫ I'm not going to forget you again. I'm not.

❪ he's shaking but he ignores it and keeps a tight hold on richie's shirt. ❫

We can't leave. We have to stay and kill that thing.